This Story Sounded Very Familiar

[chomiji]

Growing Up Gender Nonconforming

I wasn't in exactly the same place as the author was: I always considered myself a girl. But I didn't think I was very good at being a girl. And mostly, I didn't want to improve at it, either. I didn't want to be other people's idea of a girl. My poor mother, daughter of a garment industry family, really never did understand it. She'd take me shopping for clothes, and I'd go hide under one of the garment racks with a book.

The one period in my life that I tried hard to be gender conforming was when I was a new mother. I really didn't like it. No matter how hard I tried, I didn't seem to have much in common with the other mothers I met.

Most of the time when I feel like being girly, I do it by myself, for myself. This includes shopping for clothes and very rarely, cosmetics. Makeup, for me, feels like a lie. I don't think it's a lie on other people, mind you! But for me, it's a lie.

I do like jewelry, though. But it has to be smallish and folk-arty or simple and not get in my way. Earrings are good.

Comments

[tropicsbear]

I can relate more to you than to the author of the article (though I think it's a good article).

At one point in my life, my dislike of being told what girls should be translated into always vehemently stating that I "hated" girly things (like the color pink, etc.). I wouldn't even try out things to find out if I actually disliked them, because I was dedicated to "not being girly."

It was only in college that I loosened up about it. Right now, my mindset is if I'm comfortable in it/I like it, be it clothes or hobbies or whatever, I don't care what gender it's "for." I just don't like being dictated to.

[theskywasblue]

I totally understand what you're saying!

Though I've never questioned the fact that I am a girl, I have never, even when I was very small, been terribly interested in so-called "girly" things. (This was very much to my parents' dismay, I think.)

Not that I was really overly "boyish" either though...at least, I didn't see myself as being "boyish." I was just...me.

It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this.

I guess, in the end, everyone's brain is just wired differently, right?

[enchanter]

I disliked girly things as a child, and in my 30s I still dislike most of them, although not as fiercely. ;) It was the cause of some serious confusion in my family, and a source of grief to my mother, who's always been the kind of woman who never, ever wore pants and never left the house looking less than perfect. Like theskywasblue, I wasn't overly "boyish" but just me. :)

[rachel_riecheru]

I always have thought of myself as more of a gay man in a womans body :P But happy because well, that's who I am haha. I've also never felt right as a "girl" or how they're stereotypical depicted in media. I was never interested in clothing or girly stuff, and even now I hate shopping and don't wear any makeup.

I think people are people. I think it would be better if it was more accepted to be a nonconforming person but I don't think it will ever be. I just hope I can help my child be whoever they want to be and be as supportive as possible if I am put into that position one day.

[rroselavy]

Yeah, I never fit into the girlie-girl mold. I dabbled with make-up, but mostly due to the SO's profession at the time, in which I had to be a "presentable" wife. In HS I was grunge before it was invented, so much so, that I was once mistaken for a boy (even though I was .... er .... well-endowed from way back when).

I find it hard though, to feel beautiful or womanly, when I don't fit the media standards. However, I'm not willing to make the sacrifices to feed into all that.